Baronhawk's Nest

I begin to count backwards to ten, holding my breath all the time. And yet after that was over, I am still as nervous as hell and jittery down to a tee. I have thought myself beyond these childish fancies. These unsolicited raw emotive moments. But I am still its victim, just as I was those days in kindergarten. This is not the way I hoped to be reminded of how it was like to be young!

I tried to shift my vision, tried hard. But my eyes continue to tail that visage, consciously in life, unconsciously in dreams, subconsciously in mind and surreptitiously upon these pages of facebook. Trapped in this merry-go-round of constant peekings, clickings, surfings and involuntary thinking. Sighing and pining away what is good to go primo and productive time line, into fast footed and flighty fancies of the mind.

I am 32, soon to be 33 this year, yet I am already jaded way beyond my time. Cynical to the core, a frustrated and in-congruent man. Encased within the encapsulated morose memories and bitter reminders of life's many frailties. Enough to burn away though the cheerfulness of a thousand lifetimes. And yet this pixie somehow got though, in too near and is dancing and running her way all through my mind. Leaving tasty footprints and wistful smiles upon these lips of mine.

I refuse to believe in hope. This is just one of those tease. The under influence moments that will lead you astray only to leave you high and dry, come the sobering moments that always dawns upon reality's morning. Begone foul spirit, take thee along thy beautiful body, keen intellect, attractive visage and hauntingly 3D surround sound. Thy voice which seeks to drown me in the memory of thine eyes. Thy titillatingly tingly proposal of a life without worldly wiles, a life of only you and I... away with thee! Away with thee... away with thee?

Let me be, let me be, alone and bereft, to atone. Let me be, let me drown in the sins that yesteryear has borne. Let me be, let me be, the one, the mountain and the stone. Let me be, let me be, a fortress impregnable and strong.

Let me be ...or maybe should I hunt,track down and kill this annoying pixie?